i just sent this text using only my big toe
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
