You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
