Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
