piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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