Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
