yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
