I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
