Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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