I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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