see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
