Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
