I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
