Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My life is pants optional.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
