I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
