also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
