How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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