Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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