I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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