just tell him i said nine months
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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