I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
