So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
His nipple licking is glorious
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
