I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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