It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
