Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
