he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
