I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
