would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You pole danced in your parka.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
