There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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