I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
