I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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