accomplished twins. life is a go
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
