i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
