the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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