I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
