sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
