she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
