Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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