Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
