I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
