D3 body, D1 cock
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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