What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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