I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
