Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
