Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
