found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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