i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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