CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
