i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
