i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
