I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my shit smells like andre
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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