He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
