I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
